So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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