the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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