He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
