Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
