pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
