my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my poor anus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
