So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
