i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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