Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The adults are the big ones right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
