She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
