a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
