giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
