Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
