remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
honey bunches of taint.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
