The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
