she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
