Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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