Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"