she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.