Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted