3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS