At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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