i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.