I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
