Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

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  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (23781) Bad night (934)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window

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  (937): just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window http://tfl.nu/npzo
  Replies (8) Good night (3215) Bad night (643)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.

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  (757): we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink. http://tfl.nu/2r69
  Replies (21) Good night (4792) Bad night (757)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

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  (727): Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America. http://tfl.nu/b8jy
  Replies (36) Good night (7088) Bad night (1347)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that

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  (845): I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that http://tfl.nu/j3rv
  Replies (7) Good night (1630) Bad night (1083)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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  (414): I just Tebowed the shit out of her. (336): Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb. http://tfl.nu/wxei
  Replies (10) Good night (2162) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.

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  (845): This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way. http://tfl.nu/f18r
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

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  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
  Replies (7) Good night (4419) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.

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  (330): Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together. http://tfl.nu/j4c1
  Replies (11) Good night (1429) Bad night (531)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me

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  (614): you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me http://tfl.nu/5ifz
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night

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  (614): You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night http://tfl.nu/2x2r
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches

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  (570): It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches http://tfl.nu/nnjx
  Replies (0) Good night (770) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.

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  (914): Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever. http://tfl.nu/0i96
  Replies (1) Good night (798) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.

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  (606): When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up. http://tfl.nu/8sfz
  Replies (3) Good night (714) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.

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  (480): I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it. http://tfl.nu/0k0k
  Replies (8) Good night (921) Bad night (259)

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