3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower