plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
