Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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