is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
