"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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