Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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