She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
