I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
