then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
