I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
