Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
