why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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