And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
