glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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