Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
