her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
