addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
