So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
