I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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