He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
