Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
