whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
