I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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