I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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