just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
