Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
