I want to make a zoo with you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
