Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
