I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
