apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
