There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Are we still banned from the library?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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