you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
