my phone needs a breathalizer
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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