Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
