ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
MIDGETS
????
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
