i think my tv is drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
