She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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