I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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