All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found your dick twin last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
