she told me i tasted like america
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
