a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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