Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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