i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
