can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
