You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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