great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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