He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We are two peas in an std pod
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
