Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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