just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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