just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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