You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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