I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
