Whod you bang
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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