Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just pee around me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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